To Sir with love

Dear Sir,

i was reflecting on my life as your student.

What have i learnt so far? What have your key teachings to me been? How much have i understood and imbibed? i wonder at it...for i am unable to reach the end of it.

It all looks so simple. And yet it seems infinite. The essence makes sense. And yet without the expansion, there seems to be no real realization of the essence. The expansion is fascinating and yet the more i explore, the more i get intrigued. Conclusions have so far been elusive.

When i reach a conclusion that i understand your take on a topic, you add a different perspective. When i reach the conclusion that i do not understand your point, you offer a simple essenceful answer that strikes the heart. But when i reach the conclusion that now i understand what you mean, you add yet another perspective... and so on.

O Ocean! O Seed! What a wonder you are!

Even more puzzling... you are so incognito.

Do i really know you at all?
You are Truth. And you are completely fine with utter confusion and ambiguity. You do not hasten to clarify and correct. You are Justice. And yet you are perfectly peaceful in the face of what seems to be clear injustice. You see the big picture and the big picture is fine. You are oceanic in your love and compassion and yet you do only what needs to be done by you... you are clinical in your dispassion too. You are tireless in your duty of teaching and yet you are completely aware of the final results. You are completely in the moment and are also completely beyond, stable in the eternal timeless stage.

You have chosen me as your student inspite of all my failings. You know me better than i know myself... i discover that all the time. You tell me what i should do in my own best interests and inclination... i take variety approaches and then discover that i really wanted to do what you were telling me in the first place... but it takes me time. You know that... and you are so patient. Who are you really?

Gone is my complete conviction of utter clarity on every point of knowledge. i see the same understanding now... and i see there is much more that you are offering. Ah, my innocent days...when i thought its all so simple... (and it is simple, i see that...)

What do you really teach, and what do you let others discover?
Oh... everyone could tell me that... everyone has an opinion and a right to it too. But no... tell me, what do you do really? i long for the day when i know you fully. It has been your promise. i know you will get me there.

i know i trust you. i trust what you say. But i don't fully trust my understanding of who you are or my understanding of what you say. Truth, the whole Truth and nothing but the Truth. That is my quest. Or so i do believe from the bottom of my heart at the moment.

You have gifted me a divine intellect. Yet i seek to purify the old muddy intellect. You are a wonder. i am a wonder too!

Please accept my heartfelt gratitude for your unconditional love and compassion.

with love,
ajay... (ah what is in a name... i have had so many... oh it is all such a wonder...)