Checking from Scratch

• Body consciousness, lust, anger, ego, greed, attachment... all are still lurking at various levels
• Starting to serve through the mind naturally from time to time
• Starting to detach from ordinariness
• Disinterest in ordinary conversations
• Detecting maya in advance
• Accepting differing views gracefully
• Still needing lot of introspection and pondering for the self. Little service. Little extra study.
• Time is flying by and there is little traction towards the lofty goal.
• Intellect is still dull. No doubt about that.
• Many unfinished projects
• Very little amounts of daily in-depth yoga
• Distracted from main goal of homework - caught up in random services, reading and contemplation
• Thinking > Talking > Action.
• Ate too much dry fruits. Almost thoughtlessly...maya deceives.
• Listening to much sage advice - appreciating but not following it.
• Not surrendered fully - still making alternate plans
• Talked and shared about attainments and things yet to be done. Keeping it incognito would have been so much better.
• Not going deep enough - still superficial
• Big goals and declarations - not following through fully.
• Taking initatives, involving others...then not following through fully.
• Re-prioritizing public goals and not informing in time
• Not sticking to commitments when they (ever so often) seem to be of lower priority than contemplation on basics of life
• Being hard to reach - saying no to random services unless its deemed essential
• Low impact thus far in transforming lives
• Ideas are shared with gusto but little sustainable change seen in the recipients...just a feel good factor for a short while
• Giving unsolicited advice with love...but probably not required
• Still justifying, displaying merit in personal action instead of maintaining powerful silence
• Still having preference for self-development (rather than in being and staying full)...not relying on one Baba
• I still don't know myself well inspite of all the introspection
• Reverence for God keeps fluctuating.
• Still superficial
• Slow implementation
• Too many interests... passionate about too many ideas...
• Got briefly tense and heavy about prioritizing the reading list! Too many things and too little time...
• Doubt - Is the vision too high to motivate accurate consistent action?
• Delight in observing how Baba is taking care of finances...magical.
• Questioning the power of silence
• my silent commands are not being obeyed in time.
• But then I withdraw the commands very quickly - I actually have no wants...
• But this is for service...
• So what? Stay free...
• What a long long way off from the final stage.
• Brief distraction during amritvela due to the muezzin's call... Will I be able to be bodiless in a second when there is chaos all around? Need much more practice...