My Story

Dear Friend,

Thanks for being curious about my journey across Time. Sometimes, truth is stranger than fiction. Or should we say, truth is stranger than fiction more often than not? Fiction is kindof lame. It usually tries to copy aspects of truth and puts different names and roles.

Anyway, God knows this is my story. Maybe yours is like this too... maybe it isn't. But if it is, then chances are that you will figure it out as you go through my story. i guess, then you will call it history...

Once upon a time, long long ago...thousands of years back... i left home on a long journey. Home?
Well, that's so far off in time and space that i had totally forgotten it until recently. Those days, i had plenty of time and the willingness to venture into the complete unknown.

Home was a big, nice and quiet place. A dazzling golden red light was the decor...and we were the stars, our presence adorned the place...Father, mother and billions of us children. We never felt it was crowded... it was a big and peaceful family. Can't say we were happy... but i guess we were blissed out...Dad was always the quiet and contented kind. He still is. That's just his nature. Mom on the other hand, was ever-ready for fun and play with the kids.

Anyways, some of us really wanted to go out and play and mom - sportive as she always is - was the most enthusiastic amongst all of us! She led the pack and the pioneer group flew down to this world. Boy, those days, this world was paradise. i mean, there were so few of us and we ruled the planet. i tell you, the sleepy folks who stayed back home simply missed the whole fun.

Mom played Emperor. Well we adored her and wouldn't have it otherwise. Rest of us split up our roles. i became a prince in a neighbouring kingdom. That way, i could meet mom often and on equal terms. But we were a variety bunch. Some became princes, some became subjects, some became servants. We kindof knew we would all swap roles later and those days, none of us had any ego hassles. There was love amongst all, and besides, this was just a game and it takes all sorts of roles to make it fun.

21 births in paradise. It was so cool there. The first 8 or so births were the best. We were still a small group and it was heaven. More and more of our family members kept joining us so gradually the group was growing. We started off with about 900,000 of us. Seems like a big number, but it isn't. i mean, there was no one else on the planet. Come to think of it, we were the ancestors of the world, if it makes sense to say so. Those who came later became our descendents. Of course, we also kept taking births and became our own descendents! :-)

It was a leisurely life there. It was a family system and yet, it was hierarchical. Like, the princes would play with each other, the subjects with themselves and so on. i think Monarchy is the best system. No confusion about who does what. If you want to be a king, fix your role yourself. Do actions that make you a king in your next birth, that's all. If you don't care what your role should be, then that's fine too. Your actions will remain ordinary and you get some corresponding ordinary role. Straightforward isn't it?

And then it happened. Mom, the ever adventurous one, decided to get fully immersed in her roles. So far we used to still retain the consciousness that we were enacting these roles and we had a sense of self. But mom… she dived deep into the world of the senses. It was beautiful. We no longer knew she was mom of course, we were too caught up in our own roles to know who was who anymore. But it was inspiring. We all followed suit and soon everyone was just completely wrapped up in their roles. The past was past and fully forgotten. ‘Just enjoy the present!’ became our motto. We were passionate about whatever we did. Expanding our kingdoms, courting the most beautiful ones, wining and dining and hunting and what have you. Suddenly it was not about the game. It was about me having more. It was about who could do what the best. We still had some dignity and would set some rules and play by the rules, but still there was this sense of adventure.

But something was amiss. With all the pleasure of the moment, mom (who else?) felt that we were somehow disconnected from reality… we were kind of lost, and there needed to be some balance. Otherwise, things could go wrong. She instinctively knew, dad was around somewhere and he would help if we really needed his help. She built a fantastic memorial for dad filling it with jewels… and dad of course was the diamond in the centre of it all. She was a popular king those days too and soon all of us were copying each other building wonderful temples to dad. We could now go to these temples and sing dad’s praise so that we felt connected to him and to all of us for at least some part of the day.

Dad stayed silent. He was always so wise. When we would be lost in our prayers, he would acknowledge his presence with a vision or two. But he knew that our desire for adventure was still fully alive… and he kept himself away.

Meanwhile something was going wrong. In all our fun and frolic, we found unexpected things happening. Suddenly the future was not predictably fun. Sometimes we would fall ill, sometimes we would lose (imagine!) to another in a war, sometimes we would even die at an early age! Even the animals were no longer reliable… at times the hunter became the hunted. Even our victories did not seem satisfying. We wanted more. Larger kingdoms, more wine, more sex… we were getting addicted and there seemed to be no way out.

Some of us had enough. They saw through the problems and wanted to contemplate on it. They went to the mountains and the caves and sought solitude. Some of the new ones who were joining us from back home felt horrified to see how caught up we had become in our fancy roles. They tried to advice us about the pitfalls of what we were doing and advised restraint. Some suggested that we should dedicate our lives to remembering dad so that he would feel pulled to come and help everyone out.

But for the rest of us, this was nothing. ‘We want more!!!’, that was the cry in our hearts. One of the wiser lot started building memorials to our own past. Memorials of our time in paradise… of the time when we were all pure and virtuous. But one of the naughtiest ones felt the urge to depict our current pleasures right around these memorials. So we had these magnificent temples with deities inside in purity and splendour and deities on the outside walls celebrating sex as their new sport.

Those days everyone respected each other’s views and so no matter how diverse they were, we would note them down together. Some of the ‘scriptures’ that we put together were typical examples. They had such variety. There were stories about dad and his glory, about our own deity status and also many stories with morals. The creative ones certainly had their time. We created stories and wrote epics that captivated everyone but every story had a moral. At least that’s how it was in the beginning.

Time passed and we were getting a bit weary. Things were not really working out. We wondered if dad would really help out. But then we were not really sure either. Whenever something was seriously wrong (like someone we loved was dying or if we lost out in an unjust manner…) we called out to him. We meant it… we really wanted out. But Dad knew. He knew that we would get over it. And he stayed quiet. I wonder if i could have had that maturity…

In my personal journey, i was certainly getting fed up. I wasn’t so sure anymore if all these well meaning folks with long beards speaking wise words really knew what they were talking about. I had certainly tried talking to many of them and even though i was sincere, i was not reaching anywhere. On the other hand sensual pleasures, even though temporary, still had their hold on me… and i felt happy to indulge.

Mom too was on her journey in her own way. She was in love with her own first role. She would pray to that image in all fervour hoping that the deity would bestow a vision or two on her. She was as clueless as the rest of us. What a wonder this game is…

And then one day, dad decided to visit us. He came and quietly sat right next to mom in her body. Mom was of course lost in her own world of thoughts and she did not even notice him. But changes started happening. When she spoke to others, dad would put in a sentence or two. And mom would wonder. Wow, I had never thought of that, how come I spoke such deep stuff? Hmm…

Dad… he is such a dear. He would come by quietly everyday and speak a little while mom was talking. And mom felt astonished. Her thoughts became much deeper and she started to ponder over the meaning of it all. One day, dad gave her a vision of her first image. “You were that”, he said. Mom was confused. How could I be a deity? She went to her guru to clarify. But that guru was equally confused. God must be happy with your devotion, he said.

Dad gave mom many visions… of a destruction to come and of a grand new world that she had to build. But he never said a word how it would all happen. Mom, dear mom… she was ever willing to check it all out. She is a braveheart. She always was. She was still doing well you know, not a king or anything like that, but still quite prosperous. She was a diamond merchant and a good one at that. Kings and queens used to buy from her and she felt that she was a bestower. She would stick to her principles no matter who came in front. Such self respect!

I had met her even then, but I had my own things to sort out. I was on a journey to figure it all out myself. And I was, frankly speaking, not much in tune with what was going on around with the rest of the folks. For one, there were just too many of us now. All the folks back home decided to join the party down here. And you know these young ones, they are fresh and energetic and smart and with their lovely healthy bodies, they tend to do everything better. And poor old me, I had an old body, and there was disease and some aches and some little relationship hassles. Even when I took up the latest young body, it was still no good compared to these youngsters who had just arrived. And there was a swarm of them. Suddenly we had to think of food, water, clothing… even for a decent livelihood…things we had always taken for granted! Even the climate was so unpredictable these days… oh my god… this is like hell.

Meanwhile dad was clarifying more and more and mom had started a group where like minded folks could get together and listen to all this new stuff. Mom was sharp. She was old but she still had the ability to grasp things well. As dad spoke between the lines, she would go back into silence after her talk and ponder over the new things she had learnt. She was not sure how her words seemed to be so impactful when she spoke to others. ‘Maybe I am God after all… or
maybe not. I dunno.’

Dad would now give visions to those of us who visited mom for her classes. These folks would see paradise and see the princes and princesses there and it was a major hit those days. People would come flocking… if you want to see heaven, all you got to do is come to this group.

But it was not all rosy. Dad was strict. He knew what was good for us. So he said you got to disassociate yourself from the body. The problem is, you think you are a body. But no! You are a soul, a star, a spark of spiritual light. And most people who listened would get it. Mom would recite a scripture and interpret it with her new found understanding. And she kept talking about dad also. Little did she know dad was sitting right next to her… and putting up with all the comical things she was saying…

Dad was so wise. He always has been that way. He never uttered a word. He never corrected mom on the spot. It would be so disrespectful. He went on his own gentle ways to explain things as it would be right for all the children. And mom… she was wonderfully humble and ever the best student. She would grasp every new insight and ponder over it and start living it. And then she would correct herself in class. And one day, dad revealed himself through his words. I am the supreme amongst all because I do not take a physical birth like you do… in fact I have entered your mom’s body to adopt all of you children! I am Shiva… your father.

Wow!!! Imagine the shock and relief mom felt! She became the carefree emperor right at that moment. She knew that she did not have to worry about anything now. Dad was here and would take care of everything. He would even set things right if she did anything wrong. And knowing his quiet and incognito nature, she completely accepted that whatever was being spoken by her was actually spoken by him. So now she could not have any ego at all. She surrendered fully.

What an example mom was! Amongst us children, we had a few bright ones (I’m one of the duller ones, really, i mean it) and one of them was named mamma. Mom was in a male body after all and so mamma played the mother’s role for the children. And i … i was still on my adventurous trip of discovering all the truth… little did i know that Dad – Truth personified – was himself here revealing all the secrets that i had forgotten and was seeking so desperately.

By now i was convinced that dad was a figment of imagination and that all the prophets and saints were well meaning folks who were good for nothing and equally clueless. Oh I sometimes just loathed these people who would pretend to know it all and yet had no ‘logical understanding’ of anything.

Finally that day came. Mom had finished her studies and had gone off into her next role, wishing all the children well and empowering them with loving good wishes. I went to the group that mom had started (actually dad had started through her)… and I had a zillion questions but no real answers forthcoming. I read the story of how dad came and spoke through mom etc but I just hated it. It couldn’t be true! And it’s so awful, I mean, how come I’m missing in all that action! And yet there was something… deep within it struck a chord. I just kept coming and listening to what dad and mom had spoken to all of us… it was fascinating. It was deep. I would spend hours pondering over what they spoke. It seemed foreign, but there seemed to be a ring of truth in it. Somehow it made sense.

I kept studying… I still am. And I still have a long way to go before I get the full picture. But now I recognize my parents. And I recognize the beauty of this game of remembering and forgetting, of victory and defeat, of light and darkness. And I am in love with dad. I have had many fine parents that I felt were the finest in the world… but these ones are out of the world!

So that’s more or less my story...it’s more or less a family story you know. It’s several thousand years long but that’s the gist. What is yours like?

With love,
Your friend.