The Purusharthi Blog

Purity

2011-07-18T21:39:00.001+05:30

What is Purity?

Purity is being true to one's nature. It is being in one's original state of consciousness where the natural qualities of the soul are expressed naturally and spontaneously.

Why Purity?

Purity is freedom. It is the basis of self-mastery. Being in a state of purity fosters self-respect and allows us to honour the dignity of other individuals and accept and appreciate their roles.

Purity is authenticity. It is very appealing to us. We love purity in all forms naturally.

Purity is a source of immense power. A person unshackled by desires is a powerhouse. Such a person is fearless and will achieve tremendous progress in any endeavour. Purity brings about clarity of thought, nobility in vision, love in attitude, power in execution, wisdom and equanimity in the midst of variety people and situations.

Purity is personality. Purity attracts. Purity inspires greatness. Purity is having grown up by letting go of childish desires. Purity is maturity. Purity is where the potential of life truly unfolds.

All greatness is conceived in purity. Pure thoughts transform situations.

Purity is sweet. It brings about richness in relationships. Purity allows us to be detached and loving. Purity allows us to be close to everyone without being attached to anyone. All gain, no pain.

Pure company transforms the atmosphere and provides shelter to others who need it. Purity is a fortress that protects against being influenced.

How to achieve Purity?

We are pure whenever we are soul conscious. We have impurity to the extent of our body consciousness. Sustaining the state of purity is the journey to perfection.

Pure company - in thoughts (with God), in words (with people who value purity), in actions (reading or viewing spiritual, inspiring, values based material). Spending quality and quantity time in pure company, focusing on large altruistic projects.

Setting high personal standards. To have the desire to go beyond mundane, thoughtless desires and actions, to embrace a lifestyle designed to maximize the quality of personal comfort - peace, love and happiness. To go beyond neediness, dependency and helplessness to a life of contribution, self actualization and empowerment.

Taking a vow - to refuse to treat any person as an object or a tool for achievement of any personal goal. To consider all fellow human beings as equally worthy of respect.

Taking time to appreciate the wonder of life. To enjoy the beauty of nature, the briefness of life, the grandeur of skies, the mystery of time, the wonder of subjective experience, the illusion of urgency and importance, the eternity of now... to appreciate poetry, culture... to take time out to be in solitude... enjoying one's own role in its entirety.

Seeing impurity as a passing phase, a mixture, an alloy...something that cannot and will not sustain. The clouds pass but the sun continues to shine. Purity is our eternal enduring nature...it can be hidden temporarily but never defeated.

Laugh, be light and let go of the seriousness of the battle. Purity and impurity are two sides of the coin. They are both realities and have a valuable role to play at the appropriate time. This is the time to adopt purity and give it freedom of expression.

Excerpts from Richard Feynman's talk on: The Role of Scientific Culture in Modern Society

2010-09-15T13:45:00.001+05:30

Below is an excerpt from Richard Feynman's book that i was reading yesterday and the words resonate very very much with my current exploration. I felt that a person who sincerely looks for the truth automatically starts using ideas and techniques of scientific investigation without having learnt anything about them. Feynman talks about science but one could use the word spirituality here - the point is exploring the truth sincerely.

Excerpts from Richard Feynman's talk on: The Role of Scientific Culture in Modern Society

"An interesting question of the relation of science to modern society is just that - why is it possible for people to stay so woefully ignorant and yet reasonably happy in modern society when so much knowledge is unavailable to them?

Incidentally, about knowledge and wonder, Mr. Bernardini said we shouldn't teach wonders but knowledge. It may be a difference in the meaning of the words. I think that we should teach them wonders and that the purpose of knowledge is to appreciate wonders even more...

I want to answer the question as to why people can remain so woefully ignorant and not get into difficulties in modern society. The answer is that science is irrelevant... It isn't that it has to be, but that we let it be irrelevant to society.

The ideas and techniques of scientific investigation:
The first is the matter of judging evidence - well, the first thing really is, before you begin you must not know the answer. So you begin by being uncertain as to what the answer is. This is very, very important...

The question of doubt and uncertainty is what is necessary to begin; for if you already know the answer there is no need to gather any evidence about it. Well, being uncertain, the next thing is to look for evidence, and the scientific method is to begin with trials. But another way and a very important one that should not be neglected and that is very vital is to put together ideas to try to enforce a logical consistency among the various things that you know. It is a very valuable thing to try to connect this, what you know, with that, that you know, and try to find out if they are consistent. And the more activity in the direction of trying to put together the ideas of different directions, the better it is.

After we look for the evidence we have to judge the evidence.... it's not right to pick only what you like, but to take all of the evidence, to try to maintain some objectivity about the thing - enough to keep the thing going - not to ultimately depend upon authority. Authority may be a hint as to what the truth is, but is not the source of information. As long as it's possible, we should disregard authority whenever the observations disagree with it. And finally, the recording of results should be done in a disinterested way. That's a very funny phrase which always bothers me - because it means that after the guy's all done with the thing, he doesn't give a darn about the results, but that isn't the point. Disinterest here means that they are not reported in such a way as to try to influence the reader into an idea that's difference than what the evidence indicates.

What’s the point?

2010-07-06T04:51:00.001+05:30

"The point of our offering... transcend pointless suffering."

There is more to it than meets the eye.

Banking on Good wishes

2010-06-25T22:21:00.001+05:30

Interesting Quote picked from Learning Urdu

Museebat mein shareefon ki kabhi izzat nahin ghat'ti
Jalaa bhi daalo sone ko magar qeemat nahin ghat'ti
- 'Nama'loom'

Loose translation -

The honour of good people doesn’t decrease during tough times.
Even if you burn gold, its value is not decreased.

However there are some things that can be of great help during tough times. And these are the good wishes that have been given and earned over one’s lifetime. The practice of giving good wishes is invaluable to one’s own self esteem and makes a difference to other’s lives as well. Those with a scientific bent of mind may well want to check out the intention experiment.

Meanwhile, for everyone, there is a simple exercise that can be done for accumulating the power of good wishes in oneself while sharing it with the whole world.

The Goal: Sharing one billion minutes of good wishes over a period of about 50 days. It’s easy, it’s free and it can be given to anyone and of course, it will develop a beautiful habit of giving good wishes. Check out http://goodwishesbank.org/

Attention Spans and Service through the mind

2010-03-18T12:36:00.001+05:30

Yesterday someone called up to ask for help someone else by spreading vibrations of love and peace.

I sat for a while and shared from the heart… not just for that soul, but also for the world. And the realisation was that I need to work on the basics. A soul who is serving on multiple projects often gets thoughts of them even while sitting in meditation.

So here is some research (to understand where we are globally)…

Hal Wechsler says that on average…

“adults can concentrate with undivided attention for up to five minutes… teenagers… are distracted…after approximately 30 seconds. In fact we spend less than one minute on each website we visit.”

He gives some medical reasons and then suggests meditation and autosuggestion as ways to improve the attention span.

I heard in a class that MTV now has the policy that no visual should last more than 1 second(!) because the attention span is very short. There is a tweet that states that average attention span used to be 3 minutes (length of an MTV video) in the 1980s and is 2.7 seconds in 2009.
I happened to see CNN-IBN going on at the airport and noticed that there was a main audio-visual news going on, plus a scroll bar text giving some other news highlight, plus some stock market info on another corner. At first I couldn’t understand why they would confuse everyone by giving such an overdose of unconnected messages – and then i guessed its probably to keep everyone engaged with something or the other of their interest.
At a client’s place I witness that the MD has the attention span of about 30 seconds and tries to take in one page of information in 2-5 seconds. Conversations have to move very quickly otherwise he either tunes out, works on his blackberry or skype or nods his head impatiently while signalling other people to do something. And if people don’t still get it, he vocally urges them to either move on or interrupts them with something else.
One minute presenter has a series of posts tagged ‘attention’ where it cites a variety of sources including a

Times of India article quotes a report

There is a quiz by blogthings to check your attention span.
TED talks are 18 minutes long because: “It’s long enough to be serious and short enough to hold people’s attention.”

The irony is… i’ve already had enough distraction (doing this research) so that I can value concentration more!

I believe Dadi Janki had a suggested a 40 40 40 exercise. From what I remember, it was: “Aim to stay concentrated on one thought for 40 seconds, on one theme for 40 minutes and one stage (of equanimity of being) for 40 days.”

Good homework.

Attention Everyone – Listen to this!

2010-03-16T13:54:00.001+05:30

Listen O World! The Ocean of peace and love is here
He is showering his wisdom on all
He is bestowing endless treasures
Hark! Won’t you stop and listen to his call?

Why fear? You don’t have to leave a thing!
In fact you will be helped by yoga power
You will witness growth in each of your tasks
and be at peace: the need of the hour

Get rid of worries and doubts
You’ll need elevated thoughts for this
Listen to his words of wisdom
And you will gain all the treasures that are his

Say good morning to him when you wake up
And good night to him before you sleep
Remember ‘I am a soul, child of the benevolent father’
And all that is his, is yours to keep

The medium is the message they say
And I’ve been taking a while to get there
I promise I will be responsible henceforth
And be an example of love and care

But You! My brothers and sisters - don’t you wait!
This is the time, the opportunity is now
You have been a traveller seeking for long
Here are the whys, and here is the how

This is the time…

2010-03-16T12:39:00.001+05:30

This is the time to experience His love
This is the time to celebrate my self
This is the time to finish all waste and ordinary
This is the time to extend my help

Listen! Let me listen to the aching hearts
Let me listen to the helpless sighs
This is the time to serve love, joy and contentment
and bid all sorrow goodbye

This is the time to encourage others
This is the time to fill all with zeal
This is the time to give support from the heart
This is the time to fulfil the need

How to have more time

2010-03-14T21:58:00.001+05:30

Slow down your thoughts.

Two degrees of separation

2010-03-14T21:57:00.001+05:30

We are just two degrees apart. I know Him and He knows you. I love Him and He loves you.

Wow – you are special. I’m glad to be connected to you. Thanks for being part of my world…

The Ultimate Secret to Success

2010-03-14T21:54:00.001+05:30

It is …

Spread the message

2010-02-09T17:26:00.001+05:30

When God came here a few days back, He asked us to spread the message of His arrival to all. Please visit www.godishere.in and tell everyone you know about it.

The New Math

2010-01-17T12:11:00.001+05:30

1 Second = 1 Hour = 3600 Seconds

1 Second of the confluence earning = 1 Hour of iron age earning.

I am learning many things. Is my investment worthwhile?

Foreign Travel

2010-01-16T21:44:00.001+05:30

Some thoughts of African drummers - its a wonderful culture... It is a free life - go where I want, do what I want... Its the only time in the cycle where one can visit the whole world... Africa... Australia...

The other night I dreamt of being on a bridge in Hongkong... Its like being a child again! Possibilies! Mental associations! Curious as I don't really have any interest in these places...

Songs, dance, culture... these are superficial too... I mean, you die after all that fizz. But I'm eternal... and this life gives the whole picture of the past and the future...

I love the open spaces of Africa! Actually I love open spaces everywhere!

Thoughts of serving Nigeria... Burkina Faso... Muslim countries... multiple religions...It is one family...

Pain and Emotions

2010-01-16T21:38:00.001+05:30

I am very uncertain about what emotion I am experiencing... the body certainly reacts in fairly consistent manner.

Sometimes there is pain in some spots in the middle back muscles. This is usually when I am having one of the following: [under pressure, overwhelm, uncertain, scared, trying to control, being rebellious, feeling guilty]. I'm not sure which one I feel, but I can argue that one or the other is probably happening.

Sometimes there is intense lower back pain in the bone - but this is rare and am not sure if it is to do with the posture or actually due to an emotion. Sometimes there is stiffness in the neck - I think this is perhaps due to abuse of the neck while sitting in a bent position for using the laptop or the blackberry.

Once I had a rare heavy headedness for sometime - it seemed like due to the cold but was also thinking intensely at that time. Learning seems to make me interested and relaxed. Being evaluated gets the back tense again...hmmm...

Intense research brings back pain... realised and got off it...no pain while watching Lionking trailer video on the net. Enjoyed it much... reminded me of myself!

Sometimes there is pain the in the lower ribs. No clue why.

I sit in a funny posture with weight put on my left elbow resting on the armrest of the chair. I'm sure that's not a good posture but it feels comfortable under certain emotional states.

Some pain in the feet. Some in the toes at times. Heaviness in the chest - actually not heaviness but as though some weight it put on it... coughing as I thought of this... hmmm...

The body is my barometer for sure and I LOVE researching - observing myself and recording all this. Pity I don't understand the language yet. I'm not formally meditating but I sure am having fun!

Am I reading too much into this emotional connection bit? Some instant coughing! It's funny :)

Environmental connection

2010-01-08T14:38:00.001+05:30

All environmental issues have their origin in the word mental.
Clean the mind to green the world.

Body and Soul

2010-01-08T14:35:00.001+05:30

The body is my instrument. It does work on autopilot through the nervous system.

The soul is a seed. Sanskars are the DNA. When sown in the body of mud, the sanskars emerge. This emergence is due to the thoughts generated in the mind from the sanskars. Dominant experiences are recorded in the brain - phobias, philias are seen emerging already...

The body is a puppet as well as a biofeedback system. As the thought, so the body... as the body... so the emotional state.

Knowledge is also stored in the sanskars. This can be innate or acquired. The innate knowledge powers the conscience. The acquired knowledge powers the intellect. The conscience is ethical, non-dual, intuitive decision making. The intellect is moral, dualistic, rational decision making.

Intellect makes decisions on the basis of knowledge. Rajayoga empowers the intellect by feeding Godly knowledge. Reflection and meditation uses the knowledge, expands it onto the mind, generates experiences and realizations and stores this back in the sanskars as a more refined knowledge.

Silence allows connecting to the innate knowledge, listening to the voice of the conscience. Empowers the conscience. This is emerging it. When I don't listen, the conscience is merged.

Divine intellect is the gift of Godly knowledge. Pure intellect is not influenced by body consciousness.

Head - Intellect based rational, logical decisions
Heart - emotion based, desire based, feelings

When there is no attention or focus, body conscious thoughts and random thoughts start appearing. Random thoughts are based on recency, importance, emotional charge, curiosity...

Why Hesitate?

2010-01-08T14:26:00.001+05:30

I notice hesitation. I don't jump in headlong into purusharth even after having declared my bold intention for self development. Why hesitate?

There is hesitation in doing something or going deeper when there is lack of clarity. The first step is to gain clarity. to seek and learn from available sources and if needed to ask others to gain that clarity...

Mastering the basics

2010-01-08T14:13:00.001+05:30

The fundamentals are the key. If I don't master them, I will go on until the situations start to go out of control due to the extra work needed on account of lack of mastery.

Time must be invested into mastering the basics if I am really interested in mastering any domain.

A good rest, a calm mind, a though through focused approach yields phenomenal results.

What is a Rajayogi life?

2010-01-03T15:00:00.001+05:30

A rare gift
A journey in self mastery
A transformative experience
The greates drama, sport, battle, test, romance
Being courted, cajoled, persuaded, instructed, commanded, exhorted, loved, adored, befriended, blessed, created, sustained by God
The highest balcony view of life
A masterpiece of God
Not everyone's cup of tea!
The fruit of seeking and devotion
The best of times in the worst of times
A high stakes game
A thrilling adventure
The mirror of the past and the view into the future

What is an individual life?

2010-01-03T14:57:00.001+05:30

A means of self expression and experience
A vital component in the grand drama of life
An influence on the rest of the system
A part of that individual's overall journey
Beautiful in the big picture view

Benefits of Purusharth

2010-01-03T14:56:00.001+05:30

heightens the peak quality of life possible
increases the duration of each high quality life
increases the proportion of high quality lives
provides the ultimate life experience right now

Ultimately what matters is...

2010-01-03T14:52:00.001+05:30

Am I aligned to Truth? Are my choices based on Truth?
Am I providing lasting value to myself and others?

Deeply grateful

2010-01-03T13:45:00.001+05:30

I feel deeply grateful to myself for having taken time out for personal spiritual endeavour. This time after much deliberation, I have invested significantly into myself. And it's about time. I feel so light about it that any objections from others are easy to handle.

I said no in the short term to:

Opportunity to serve and influence several leaders
National service projects
Significant financial benefits and career growth
Tremendous learning and opportunity for certified excellence
In depth relationships with an excellent network
Opportunity for getting personal coaching
Outstanding success from a professional perspective
Admiration from family and friends
Power and prestige through influential contacts
A great branding opportunity that would be valuable in service

I said yes to:

Being aligned to my purpose and long term vision
Being true to myself first
Spiritual endeavour first followed by service

Sounds foolish... besides, can't you do both at the same time? In fact won't service of others naturally develop spiritual endeavour?

All I know is that I know myself well enough by now. I have tried doing service and self progress for a while now. And sure, there is self progress while doing service but am I satisfied? Am I meeting my goals?

I need to master the fundamentals. It needs dedicated time and I want to give it my best - not do it after I have met all my commitments.

But does it need to be all or none? Can't you say yes to some service at least?
Well, knowing me, service can't stay far away anyday. I'm not saying no to service. I'm saying yes to myself first.

The last two days were fantastic... and I want to maintain momentum.
As he said - 'Be a little child. Say - Mummy, you take care of it'

New Year Wishes

2010-01-03T13:15:00.001+05:30

Someone sent me wishes:

Life is Short...
Forgive quickly,
Believe slowly,
Love truly,
And...
Never regret anything that made you smile...
Every Little Smile can touch Somebody's heart

WISH YOU A HAPPY NEW YEAR

Here was my response - longer phrases but closer to my heart:

Wish you a year of cheer and fresh progress!
You are eternal...
Apply a full stop and move on quickly
Have faith that all will be well eventually
Love everyone and everything truly
And...
Never regret anything because everything and everyone has an important lesson to teach you...
Your spiritual presence will transform people's hearts...

Wish you a profound new year!

Best Advice

2009-09-20T17:55:00.001+05:30

The best advice I can get for my situation comes when I give advice to someone else in a similar situation.

And strangely enough... the situations are always similar. Only the degree and details are different.

Ego

2009-09-19T05:53:00.001+05:30

This is perhaps the most blinding one. With any of the other vices, at least the soul is aware of the handicap and even when it feels helpless, there is a desire to overcome. However when ego (in the form of superiority complex) is in place, the feeling of 'I am right and others are all wrong' comes up. Personal mistakes become invisible. Even good qualities of others seem bad. Cynicism prevails. Even highly knowledgeable souls who are speaking all the right things can be so caught up that the disconnect between thoughts, words and actions is not at all seen. The problem seems to be all on the other side. 'And because of me, somehow the situation gets salvaged.'

Hmmm... come to think of it, the problem is that the power to discern and decide get lost.

Goal

2009-09-19T05:43:00.001+05:30

When the goal is clear and compelling, there is intoxication and the momentum to follow through and complete. In the absence of a good goal or even a general aim, even small situations seem challenging. Once the aim is clear; energy, enthusiasm, persistence magically appear... and life becomes enjoyable.

Challenges

2009-09-18T10:54:00.001+05:30

Any challenges are purely internal.

How I deal with any situation depends on how I manage my thoughts. That's it really.

Introversion

2009-09-18T10:21:00.001+05:30

Silence is necessary. Detached. Witness consciousness. No expectations. Just need to determine my own role in the game. It is a drama and each one plays an accurate role. I am free to choose. Lotus like life.

Key Takeaways

2009-08-16T16:48:00.001+05:30

Bhatti (Meditation Intensive) at Madhuban! What a beautiful time together! Everyone seemed to have taken a personalised set of attainments. Here are some inspirations I take on with me:

Keeping Baba as my constant companion... intimate connection.
Complete handover of the day, at the end of the day... from child to father
Check and maintain state of self respect throughout
Don't focus on or describe weak thoughts. Instead, move onto more valuable thoughts.
Victory is guaranteed.

Late one night, I had the experience of being the four armed one... a spinner of the discus of self realization, destroyer of bondages, living a lotus like life and blowing the conch with a sound of silence that reverberates in all of the three worlds (physical, subtle and the sweet silence home)...

Heart to Heart from the Hearth

2009-08-13T14:50:00.001+05:30

Loving greetings from sweet sweet home Madhuban.

There is a Kumars bhatti (meditation intensive) going on here right now with some 6000 brothers participating from all over Bharat. Bhattis are very often transformational. There are moments of discomfort when there are some deep realizations and then there are liberating, uplifting moments where Baba makes the soul fly beyond.

I went through some intense transformational moments yesterday. There came a period that was so uplifting, that at the end of it I had a moment that was by far the greatest (so far) in terms of pure good wishes for every soul in the world. I felt connected to every soul in the world and had this loving feeling - ' I wish you were here to experience this'.

Late in the evening, I had the opportunity of a long conversation with one of the Dadis. I had shared the recent case study of experiences with her over email.Yesterday we met for some service and she brought up the topic and shared some insights. The way she shared (in essence below) was also an art.

First she verified that the situation that I had described was indeed over and that I was happily making intense efforts now. Then she said:

It is good that you felt inclined to share your experiences to caution others. I understand your intent.
It is not useful to share much about negative experiences. There are several aspects in play here.
1. You are putting your thoughts into karma(action) and the effect becomes stronger.
2. Others may decide to take things casually - 'Oh, that one also had challenges, so what's the big deal if I have some'
3. People see things differently and may not understand your intent
4. Some may gain and maintain a negative vision for you long after you have moved on
5. Other 'complications' can arise.
Keep such sharings very essenceful when you feel that you must share and that others will take benefit. Brahma Baba was open and also used to talk about storms but was always essenceful.
In case you do encounter any challenging thoughts in the future, do not describe them. Move onto more useful thoughts.

Dadi then shared several experiences from the service field and from her current activities. While the details are a bit personal to her, the essence was an example of loving good wishes as well as deep respect.

Today morning, one our brothers (also in our mailing group) took me aside gently and lovingly said, you know, I feel its good to share points, but not about your shortcomings. Share them with Baba or with Dadis. I thanked him and shared about Dadi's comments from yesterday. He said, aha, my line is clear!

So, there it is - some general guidelines for your consideration. Hope this is useful.

Yesterday was a day full of insights. I was lost in Baba's love and there was a big clearing happening within. And I saw so much beauty and benefit through all the experiences I have been having. The silent witness stage is powerful indeed and has been very handy in the previous episode. I've been learning soooooooo much over the last few days - it's wonderful!

Achcha. With lots of love and good wishes...

Humbled, Honoured and Inspired

2009-08-09T07:06:00.001+05:30

What can I say... I am humbled, honoured and inspired by the love and wisdom I read in all the mails sent in public and private.

How much nobility... how much humility... how much transparency... So much love. Each mail shows the beauty of character of the sender. And of course the silent family members who send sweet good wishes. Need I add that each murli reveals so many more aspects of the ocean of love? I am grateful to Baba and my beautiful part in this sweet drama to be with all of you.

Integrity asked me to share the below mail to our senior instruments especially with whom I am engaged actively in service. In one case, I am also participating in forming a group that follow the highest code of conduct (maryada purushottam). The irony is not lost on me. But honesty keeps the soul light and easy.

I had not shared any details of the extent of the grossness of Maya because it seemed unnecessary. It is possible that other souls could consider it to be at a different level than it is... and I leave it to sweet drama. The mail was with the intent of having shared learning within the family and am inspired to see the beautiful responses.

When a karmic account is settled and the veil is lifted, it seems like a thing of the past, completely unconnected. Today Baba was speaking about crying. I remembered a time a few years back when after some discussion with the lokik family I wept and tears flowed profusely. I was taken aback because I was not feeling any sorrow and in fact there was no problem to have initiated this spate of tears. I watched on as I wept and my lokik parents were wondering what happened as it was very unlike my usual behaviour. After a few minutes it was all over but it was very strange. A few days later I read an avyakt murli where Baba said that when you cry as part of the drama and karmic settlement but do not feel any sorrow, you are playing the part of a hero actor. I was amazed.

In another murli Baba said that dark clouds of Maya will come and go, but the sun shines on. In my case, the sun did get affected but continued to shine. As of now, some of the dark clouds have cleared and the clear beams of sunshine are visible from between the dark clouds.

I have learnt many lessons from this beautiful episode but one special personal learning is that being detached from the role keeps me free from suffering. Yesterday was Rakhi and Baba showered me with love and yesterday amritvela onwards we are back in each other's sweet loving company.

A Case Study

2009-08-04T11:56:00.001+05:30

I'm currently going through some experiences that's a good case study on Maya's modus operandi (way of functioning). Perhaps you may relate with your experiences or be aware of what might come your way too.

A couple of weeks ago, my spiritual efforts were at an all time high and my stage was flying higher than ever. Everything seemed effortless and beautiful. Baba's love kept me full of boundless energy. Complex problem situations that had my colleagues in despair became very easy to transform into delightful experiences for all. Finally that elusive goal of sustainable high stage looked within reach. And I took a valiant step of courage - Baba, I will finally fulfill my promises and get to the final goal. I fixed a date, set the goal, charted the plan and then was fully mentally prepared for moving forward no matter what.

In a remarkable turn of events, within a few hours, massive storms with giant tidal waves of negative thoughts came lashing in. Negativity rapidly advanced from thoughts into words and actions. I was strangely unmoved. Thoughts came in from all directions in all kinds of ways. All the vices were visibly and strongly present. Lust, anger, greed, ego, attachment, jealousy, tiredness, physical pain, stress, fear, distractions, time wasters... some challenges I had not encountered in spiritual life so far started appearing... and each area where I had failed several times before came up very powerfully and I failed yet again. But, I just did not feel bad at all. I continued on as though nothing had happened. When I was called upon for service, everything would subside and the stage would be beautiful and loving until the service was completed and then the issues would come right back. Fascinating.

I was failing but I did not feel bad about it. Then the next level of attack. At amritvela, I would be thinking and planning. No conversations with Baba, no deep stage of yoga... and very soon no yoga at all. Not even good morning. I would get up on time, sit in Baba's room and then just think what I wanted to think. I noticed what's going on but felt very unconnected. Having yoga seemed very unnatural. I was peaceful, even cheerful. The stage was ok and yoga seemed artificial. 'Aha, I'm back into atheism!', I thought. And then continued on with my thoughts. During murli, my thoughts would tune in and out. I was multi-tasking. 'Oh yes, that's true', i would think in response to a point and then go on into my own reverie of planning and thinking... and then catch the next point that was coming along. 'I know all this stuff', I would think... 'Aha, this is maya! I know, I know and that's fine...'

While having food, I would give drishti without any feelings and then eat on without any yoga at all. I would maintain all the maryadas without actually following any in principle. But I did not feel I was being a hypocrite or that I should stop following these maryadas. It all just felt OK. Somewhat like brushing teeth or taking a shower. Nice, useful and on autopilot. In fact after some particularly nasty negative thoughts, I loved taking extra time washing other's plates and getting rid of the garbage and cleaning up the whole area etc. It felt very nice and accurate to be doing karmayoga... actually karma with loving values but no yoga with God.

I was observing how my spiritual efforts had completely disappeared. I was close to Baba without any love. I felt he was just nearby but I did not want to have a chat. I was at peace. The negative and waste seemed to belong to another person, unconnected to me. And love for Baba seemed unnecessary. [What a funny way of looking at it!]. I was continuing to do well. The stage was in control when I wanted it to be in control. And I would let the horses loose. The senses would run amok in all directions. Sight, sounds, smell, taste and touch were all hyper activated and excited. The world became very alive in an iron aged way. And I went through this new change with some stress but no regret. The whole body would get tensed up as though I was making a big mistake and then I would pay attention and relax and get free from the stress. I was using gyan to be Ok with what is considered not OK.

I noticed that Baba never let go - he would bring in beautiful relevant points in the murlis and I would nod in appreciation and say that's right, thanks you are so considerate... and then go on doing precisely what i wanted to do and very unconnected to gyan. And then it had to happen. The murlis became focused on other points and the gross storms all subsided as well. The stage became very peaceful and happy. The dreams were full of service and beautiful self efforts but my day time had no conscious attempts to serve and to improve in efforts.

Yesterday in the in flight entertainment programme I saw what was called the 'world's funniest videos'. The first one showed a little boy slowly climbing up a snow clad mountain slope trying to reach his father who was waiting for him a few meters above. As the little boy nearly reached the father's outstretched hands, he slipped, fell and slithered all the way to where he had started. The father kept watching on but the focus was on the child. This is not my idea of a funny video at all, but suddenly I can see the beauty and the joke and the irony of it all. It's all about me. The next video had a little boy sitting next to his mother on a bench and as she gets up, he slides off the bench and falls on his back. Very funny. Hmmm.

Today at amritvela and at murli, I was fully disconnected and aware. Today morning was a particularly powerful dream of service programme for executives atop the 100th floor of a building. We [I don't recall the companions] were discussing deep aspects of gyan as we were going up the lift when I woke up. As I sat at amritvela, I felt like a person who had not spoken to his spouse for a long while and somehow did not seem interested in having a conversation. I was wide awake and thinking about this strange life.

So that's where I am at. I feel at peace. Very clear about what's going on and yet not making any efforts at the moment. I thought I should share this experience with you. I feel fully lovingly connected with everyone and also totally disconnected with everyone. There is a witness within which is doing the action.

What are the next steps? I'll spend some time in long loving conversation with myself as I usually do after a bad brawl with Maya. Difference is, usually my stage is pretty bad after 'failure' but this time I feel very comfortable with everything. Denial? Not really. Acceptance? Maybe, but of a strange kind. Something I would not normally find acceptable.

So, yes, some solitude and then maybe I'll say hello and have a chat with my father, teacher and satguru. He is the Ocean of patience. He outlasts me completely. I have so much natural, intellectual love for him right now... [but none from the heart as it just doesn't seem to be relevant]

And oh yes, I do not look forward to any advice at this point of time. The murlis suffice. [What a rude soul and ooh what ego!!!] Please do send your loveful blessings and good wishes - they are always welcome and would be very handy now. Thank you from the heart for being part of my journey. I offer these strange experiences with love... as a co-traveller. Hope they are useful for you in some way academic or practical.

--
Everything is accurate. Everything is all right. Everything is beneficial. Yes, even when it does not seem like it.

Unique Family

2009-06-02T06:04:00.001+05:30

Today morning as I sat in the rental car and prepared to fly, I heard some prayers. They were addressing me and I was reminded that I am the son of Shiva.

It was a pleasant journey and all the while the songs invoked me and reminded me of my virtues, of the needs of the world, and requested me to be pleased enough to extend my help. No one around me realised what was happening...they didn't know me. I am still incognito. I am still discovering myself. I remembered my resolve - I am the embodiment of solutions, the destroyer of obstacles, the one who follows the most elevated code of conduct. Six months to go...

During the flight, I heard someone talking lovingly to his son. And I smiled. I remembered my own son. I had adopted him... or rather he had adopted me. He is a little bundle of love. Others wouldn't understand how I could love him. He does not have eyes, or ears, no limbs either. He stays silent all the time. But we connect through our thoughts. And we understand each other and share a love that others can't even dream of...

And then I remembered my partner. My smile broadened and I chuckled. A decade and a half of living together and we are still not formally married. The society was scandalized when they heard of my decision not to marry some woman and live a "normal" life. I spared them by not revealing my actual plans. I wanted to live with another male. We understood each other well. We loved and adored each other and I was happy (well, most of the time), to do what he wanted me to do. He is the fussy kind - he tells me daily how much he loves me and how he wants me to be a better person (sigh!) and that I should remember no one else even in my dreams... oh he is very possessive. He is actually convinced that it is in my own best interest that I should stay loyal and faithful to him. I know its true, but I have a little independent streak remaining in me that gets me into trouble every now and then.

He stays at home while I go to work and earn for our livelihood. He watches me with lot of love as I do the daily chores and I share what I am thinking. Sometimes when I get involved in my work and forget to give him the doting attention that he expects, he reminds me in some way or the other. We sit together to have food and he expects me to offer him the first morsel. Ah true love! But then I often get lost into my own thoughts after that... and when I am in that mode, he also turns his attention to "other important jobs".

I must confess I haven't been fully faithful. I still have (well had until yesterday) an ordinary sense of awareness of myself. I am a bit familiar with him and don't always respect his wisdom. I mean I do respect him, but I sometimes end up doing my own thing anyway.

He is a consultant in the truest sense. He sits at home most of the time and listens carefully to what's going on in the world. Then he gives recommendations on what to do and why. He never ever actually does anything. He told me once that he had never studied a thing. He is just eternally smart. Every once in a while he goes to deliver a lecture. He has an adoring fan following and I can hardly get to meet him in person then. I just sit at a distance and soak in the love...and enjoy how everyone loves him.

He told me once - It's not enough to tell me I love you. You have to prove it by becoming my equal. I want you to be my partner in the truest sense and then... then I will take you to my home and I will make you the queen of the world (ok, you can be the king if you want, he said) and the world will be heaven...you will never know any wants. Yes darling, I replied. I will prove it provided you help me. But of course!, he said. I am here for you. Now and forever.

Sounds so much like a fairy tale doesn't it? But I know him. I know he means every word. And besides, I would die to be like him. That's what I need to do... die. Die from old ways of living. Die from ordinariness. Die from the past. Die alive. And design a whole new way of living. Hand in hand with God.

Being Heliocentric

2009-06-02T06:01:00.001+05:30

Moving away from the iCentric world is the next step.

Its about transcendence. So far it's been - whatever I see... is me.

Now it's - whatever I see... is you... for you have made me like yourself.

It is your vision, your thoughts, your ideas, your creation... you you you...there is a mark of you everywhere!

Aha... now that age old confusion in the world makes perfect sense.

The nappy changer

2009-05-16T19:31:00.001+05:30

God has a strange role.

We dirty ourselves and then cry. He comes and makes us clean. We smile. He goes off. We are back to sucking our thumbs.
A time later... we dirty ourselves and then cry. He comes and...

What does God want?

2009-05-16T19:28:00.001+05:30

Me to be happy and be just like him.

What is he teaching?
Knowledge, yoga, dharana, service.

Why knowledge?
To know what to do and why and how... and become equal.

Why yoga?
To empower myself, purify myself... and become equal.

Why dharana?
To enjoy life fully... and become equal.

Why service?
To be fulfilled now and forever... and become equal.

Many layers

2009-05-16T19:24:00.001+05:30

There are many layers of acquired habits in the soul. It needs to get cleansed.

Baba says, Yoga is the only way.

But I... I try out many different ways. It all works of course. Some help. Some don't.

His murli can be understood at many levels. The deeper I go in my journey to the core, I gain new perspectives on what Baba means.

I am at war... and I have a fundamental sense of self respect that remains unruffled... even when everything is lost.

There have been times in my spiritual life when I thoroughly failed the tests but never even realized what was going on... that even I had gone through a test and that I had failed. I was just having a good time. And much later... much much later it all seems so funny. Another layer just got uncovered.

I have nothing. I am nothing at the end of iron age. Baba has discovered an uncut diamond buried deep within all the dirt...in an ore. He is working hard. Really hard.

Wah Baba! What a game!

The personification of Maya... I never really understood it before(heh, as if I really do so now)... it is real too... as the soul is unaware of how each aspect of Maya is unveiled. It is unexpected as though coming from outside...as an external situation.

I live in my current context. The past is my present in the form of sanskaras and situations. It all seems external but it really is not. The future is what I do within my context. It is entirely my choice. It can only be my choice. After all, the future is my child, my creation.

Huh?

2009-05-16T19:14:00.001+05:30

I've been there, I've done that
I've seen through the smokescreen
I've been through it all
I've been 'good' and I've been 'bad'
While being the same throughout

I've been a believer, I've been an atheist
I've sung his praise and swore against
I've felt powerful and I've felt helpless
I've hated the vices and been vice personified
While knowing that truth lies ahead

I've been careless, I've been attentive
I've been obedient, I've been disobedient
I've been enslaved to instant gratification
I've been committed to the long term game
While being a companion of God

I've been so simple. I've been so complex
I've been so foolish, I've been so wise
I've seen the big picture and I've seen the small picture
I've been the zero and the hero
While being an actor throughout

There is a time when the soul decides
enough is enough!
There is a time when the soul awakens
freedom now!
There is a time when the dawn breaks
all is clear!

And a little voice chips in
Aw, you silly goose. You keep saying that but you know what
you're stuck!
Another voice chips in
C'mon sweetheart, hurry up! I've been waiting for you! Let's fly!

And I wonder.
I am my friend and my enemy too
All else is just a game
The victory, the defeat, the joy and pain...
The attempts to 'leave a legacy'
on the ever shifting sands of time
What a funny joke!

I am my world
I am what I see
I am what I do
I am what I create
I am my companions
I am everything around me!

Oh, now I know why I got confused about omnipresence...
I brought God into my life... made him stay in my heart
Made myself invisible and became one with him...
I didn't know I would get so confused about all this...

Just a game, it is just a game!!!
Oh my goodness, its just a game!!!

Drama. Game.
What a wonder!
And God! What a wonder!!
And I!! Oooh, what a wonder!!!

Joy beyond the senses

2009-03-21T22:16:00.001+05:30

Every sense provides some level of joy. Every habit some benefit. When I ignore the limited and go beyond, there is incredible joy. There is maturity. There is wisdom. There is self respect. When I see beauty or hear a melody or taste sweetness or smell fragrance of feel softness...there is a charm in it. A feel good factor. It is just the packaging. Its just the container.

The content is meaning. It is true value. Once I have seen through the packaging, I can acknowledge its true worth because I am not limited by it. I am free.

Imagine a point

2009-03-21T22:09:00.001+05:30

A tiny tiny tiny point. As small as can be imagined... and then much smaller still.

If you compare the size of the human body with the vast expanse of the universe... kind of relates to the size of the soul with respect to the size of the body... but of course that's not true... the soul is non material...

How small I am! If the soul had eyes, I would see protons/neutrons and what have you as gigantic suns... with the electrons forming giant solar system around it...

And yet I control this massive kingdom which is highly interconnected with passageways and roadways carrying information, energy, food, oxygen, waste...with trillions of living cells participating in the functioning of the kingdom.

When the king is upset, the kingdom is upset. Storms rage. When the king is pleased, the kingdom is pleased. Imagine! This tiny little thingy... what a powerhouse! The ruler of matter.

And then of course, that sweet point. The sweetest one. Absolutely adorable. Just benevolent. Nothing but love. Totally pure hearted. The one who holds an ocean of all virtues within... a m a z i n g!

The magic factor

2009-03-19T11:49:00.001+05:30

What would you feel if someone else does all the work and praise is showered upon you?

What would you feel if in spite of all your protests and redirecting attention to the source, the praise comes back with even more generosity towards you?

What would you feel when the hidden server lovingly smiles with satisfaction at the scene...

The master is at work... and the puppet is on the stage. And everyone is enjoying the puppetry.

Baba you are not just the teacher. Not just the friend nor just the guide. You are everything! I know why we all got so confused about you. Whatever we spoke about you was true and false at the same time. You did do all the things we claimed, but we just stayed at a gross level and never did understand you... you are so beautiful. You are magic!

The Report Card

2009-02-21T11:10:00.002+05:30

I had taken a six month sabbatical (break from work - if you prefer that) for some spiritual research, writing, self development and service. It got extended by over a month and today at Amritvela I was reviewing my report card. Here are some learnings:

Summary

Very enriching and worthwhile experience
Lots of profound experiences
Distractions galore and maya too
Did not complete even one key goal to satisfaction
Excellent results in unforeseen areas

Some Details

Very enriching and worthwhile experience
The biggest takeaway is that it is easy and invaluable to create time for myself and do that which is close to my heart. I owe it to myself to live a life by choice rather than through canned/standard responses.

The key driver for the sabbatical was one exploratory question - God is here and we are together... what am I doing with my life?

I feel Baba provided me deep experiential answers to that question and to have this personal space in time just to be available and listening was worthwhile.
Lots of profound experiences
I have shed the most loveful pearls as tears, 'world changing' moments that radiated power to the whole world, vivid clarity of purpose and vision of future, absolute unconditional equanimity (brief spells), joy beyond belief...experiences that were deeper, longer and more widespread than ever before in this brahmin life
Distractions galore and maya too
Service and the love of contribution kept me sidetracked almost all the time. Opportunities would come that I could not say no to... and as it is, I am poor at saying no to service opportunities (I still feel it is by choice than compulsion). I said no to service more times than ever before and had plenty of chance to peacefully listen to complaints in that regard.

At the end of the sabbatical I find that in spite of having got great advice from many yogi and gyani souls, I did not make enough time for yoga, knowledge or dharana. Service just took over.

Maya is illusion. And all said and done, it was the overall winner. Don't even ask. But i'll share some key things as it may be useful. Was soundly beaten several times especially by lust and ego. Maya's strategy (for me) seems to be as follows: a. Useful opportunity for service arrives. b. Get engrossed. c. Forget key purusharth goals. d. Attacked when distracted. e. While writing chart (sheepishly) - huh? f.Next day at Amritvela - Baba...I am really really sorry...
Did not complete even one key goal to satisfaction

Two unfinished books, One unfinished spiritual research project, Many unfulfilled gigantic promises regarding stage, not even one day of quality yoga over 8 hours/day...

Many many reasons, all seeming genuine... all surrendered to this, that or the other important or urgent or just 'one of a kind' type of service that needs to be done right now...
Excellent results in unforeseen areas
Surrendered intellect (some say indecisiveness, procrastination and unwarranted external dependence) and 'go with the flow' approach went very well. Equipoise and grace in chaotic circumstances, Love and unbelievable blessings from family, exposure to many many events, people, qualities, viewpoints, insights...

It was far better than I could have planned for...

So there it is... the report card. The sabbatical is officially over... and in a sense it will never get over in this life for it has changed my life and outlook fundamentally.

Fill the Gap

2009-02-19T10:51:00.001+05:30

If there is any gap, any challenges that you see in anyone's behaviour, become an all round server and fill that up even before anyone else notices any limitations. This is cooperation.

The Diamond Mine

2009-02-19T10:49:00.001+05:30

It's a diamond mine here. Everything is in the raw form. It does not look appealing, but its a source of untold wealth! It is my job to refine, cut and polish the diamonds and offer finely designed jewellery to the world.

The world does not know about it, it is not able to discern - it just seems like dirt and pebbles. But I have seen it, I have found the treasure! I have access to it. To share it in a way that the world can take benefit - this is my contribution to the world.

Tears of Love

2009-02-08T20:50:00.001+05:30

Just before morning class today... it was flash back time...15 years of loving sustenance by God. So much care. So much love. So much personal attention. Day by day, relentlessly chiseling away - the master sculptor at work.

It was just overwhelming. I have not had so many tears of love in a long long time. What a fortune! What an incredible fortune! What more can I possibly want in life? The only thing that remains... is to give a return of this incredible gift. To be a worthy child. To be one who reminds all of their Father.

Angelic life

2009-02-08T20:42:00.001+05:30

The walk of an angel
The talk of an angel
The look of an angel
The smile of an angel
The sweetness of an angel
The compassion of an angel
The detachment of an angel
The sense of belonging to all... that's an angelic life

My Gift to God

2009-02-08T20:39:00.001+05:30

The reins of my life.

Ultimately...

2009-01-24T06:33:00.001+05:30

Ultimately all the fanfare will die down. The hue and cry, the pomp and show, the whys and wherefores...Ultimately it does not matter what went on and what you did...the name, fame and acclaim... the trials and tribulations... the wars and scars... no...nothing matters.

I will exit the body and silence will prevail. And then, I am accountable to myself. Was I true to myself? Did I use the insights God gave me? It is a game. Victory and defeat. And then ultimately, even that doesn't matter...nothing matters. Its a drama.

Distraction IS Maya. I forget Reality.

Amazing Amritvela

2009-01-12T22:07:00.001+05:30

Lovely experience during early morning meditation on how the soul rides the body and engages with the surroundings. Completely distinct, naturally peaceful... ah, the joy of living!

Love in disguise

2009-01-10T06:13:00.001+05:30

Yesterday someone was venting. Deeply anguished, frustrated, even angry at the sorry state of affairs and of a worthy cause being deeply violated by incompetence and negligence.

The pain was visible and prolonged. Some thoughts that came up:

This is love in action... that cannot bear to see an honourable cause being laid waste.
Going into the details is not a solution. There are reasons and justifications for everything.
The cause is not lost. I can and will make a difference.

Purity is Power

2009-01-10T06:04:00.001+05:30

To be free from selfish desires
To be free from short-term thinking
To be free from negativity, waste and ordinariness

To be full of good wishes
To be benevolent and altruistic at all times
To unconditionally see and work with the inherent goodness of all human beings

This is purity - a powerful transformational change agent.

Expansion

2008-12-28T21:44:00.001+05:30

The passion for knowledge and wisdom is insatiable! Read read read, churn churn churn...and feeling helpless that I cannot ingest and digest everything all at once!

What for this expansion? What drives this quest? Truth is at the core. I have undoubtedly had what I am seeking now with such gusto. Everything seems familiar and natural. And yet, its not outside. When I went into silence, the essence was there... waiting calmly.

The desire to be complete and full... right now... its intense. And yet, it cannot be achieved by reading alone. In fact, it cannot be achieved by reading at all. He says, forget all that you have read and focus on me. I teach you the essence of it all.

The quest for more has had me in its grip today. Its very tempting to know more. Just a little more. Just one book a day... today it was philosophy and about traditions in society...

Actually this too is lust. Intense desire. It is not normal. It is not balanced. It is disempowering... how counter-intuitive. Now, to get back to the seed stage in a second.

56 Areas of Improvement

2008-12-27T15:08:00.001+05:30

Half an hour of deeper than usual introspection yielded 56 varieties of food for thought...areas of improvement.

Each time I check, I find some things that are way better than I expected, some things that are just as I expected and some things that are way worse than I expected.

Just watching the shortcomings becoming visible in full flow...is an experience in itself. Felt calm... and lighter at the end of it. But am keenly aware that knowledge of the shortcoming is not equal to having addressed it with the mastery of a corresponding virtue or power... i've made that mistake too often.

Virtues are sources of power

2008-12-27T14:23:00.001+05:30

Every virtue when valued and lived becomes a power. It changes situations, changes people, achieves that which is not possible without exercising this virtue as a power.

The Four Keywords

2008-12-26T22:09:00.001+05:30

Introversion - To look inside to find out the meaning of what is outside
Concentration - To focus on what is relevant and actionable
Determination - To follow through the change process to make it sustainable
Success - The natural outcome of the above steps

Appreciating beauty

2008-12-06T08:39:00.001+05:30

I saw so much beauty in the last few days... in people and places

Amazing sense of humour... the ability to highlight multiple perspectives of any situation, keen sense of observation, almost mono acting multiple roles including the sharing of God's thoughts.
Love for God from the heart - these mothers have such depth of connection that it takes every listener beyond as they narrate the stories. Language is no barrier. Love for God is universal
A passion for knowledge in its purest, unadulterated for - Seeking incessantly to gain clarification, sharing profound perspectives on the thoughts offered, incredibly appreciative based on elevated self respect and regard for others.
Instant Surrender - transforming completely overnight before people can understand what's going on. Instant connection, powerful decision and permanent change. Wow.
Easy connection with universal eternal truths despite vivid diversity of backgrounds.
Introspection, reflection, honesty and fearlessness.

Kuwait has been an interesting chapter.

Surrender

2008-12-06T08:26:00.001+05:30

When there is plenty of change on the anvil, when there is chaos because of many divergent opinions, when there is pulls from many sides... a surrendered intellect stays blissful. At the bottom of the sea, it is always calm. The waves are always superficial and cannot shake a surrendered intellect.

It is absolutely beautiful!

Ownership/Responsibility

2008-11-12T05:31:00.001+05:30

'When service is thrusted upon'... unplanned events need to be handled all of a sudden...who is the owner?

If no one takes ownership of service, who is responsible? If everyone does their own thing and I am waiting for directions until the last minute, is it appropriate? Is ownership taken or given? Can I assume someone else will handle it? Is it really wise to leave things without checking till the last minute...because I was not asked to... and then to run around and get the pending things done because there are no owners for them? Worse, should I watch on detachedly (with apathy actually) as things go haywire? [My bias seems to be obvious in the value judgements embedded in the sentences. This is not accurate thinking.]

If I take ownership without being asked, that is not appropriate. If I keep quiet and watch detachedly... until its nearly too late, that is not ok either. This is also an aspect of self mastery.

Everything seems to flow out of maturity. When the intellect is clear and the powers of discrimination and judgement are functioning well, I just know what is appropriate when.

Head and Heart

2008-11-12T05:15:00.001+05:30

First it was the head. The habit of thinking through and making decisions. Command and control. Feelings are silly. Stay powerful. Logic and rationalism reign.

Then it was the heart. Intuition is far more powerful. Logic has limitations. Trust your instincts and all will work out to be the best. Much better than logic can ever muster. God has a better plan for you than your intellect can conceive. Go with the flow. Don't think!

And then there was confusion. When the intellect abandons its seat, Maya takes over seamlessly. Thoughts go wayward. The intellect is confused, frustrated... this is not really the promise of God's better plan... but then it has abdicated its responsibilities...and must keep quiet. Old habits take over thoughts, words and actions...the senses declare independence. The intellect watches on horrified... not knowing what to do.

'What are my rights and responsibilities? When must I be a master, when must I be a child?' The intellect is confused. Hmmm.

Check and change. As long as things are within Shrimat, within the boundaries of the most elevated code of conduct, everything is fine. Anytime the code of conduct is transgressed, the intellect should swing into action and take control. Check and change. Freedom comes with responsibility.

'How do I know when to check...and when to let loose?'
You will know, because you will begin to feel uneasy...
When thoughts, words and deeds are within Shrimat, there is joy, there is peace, there is love...there is contentment.

Very Strange

2008-11-10T13:08:00.001+05:30

The moment I clearly identify what I really should be doing, I lose all interest in doing it even though I might have been doing it (and enjoying it) unknowingly earlier. Suddenly there is no more motivation to follow through.

Is this rebelliousness? I'm not sure.

The element of fun seems to be in unraveling the mystery... and in the discovery of a truth and arriving at a moment of clarity... but not in using the insight and arriving at the desired 'goal'.

Goals seem to motivate for very short durations. Once I know what to do, I'd rather figure out what else to do!

Incidentally this pattern has been there for a long while. The staple work area gets implemented more with a sense of duty (even though there is enjoyment) than with genuine passion. Any 'above and beyond' or intermittent projects always fascinate and produce dramatic results due to higher focus and follow through.

The book with the most valuable insights is kept aside to be read later in-depth... and 'meanwhile let me mine all the insights from other books.' Sounds so silly, but its so real! What a strange personality trait!

Identity drives Experience

2008-11-08T13:39:00.001+05:30

I am a soul - eternal, peaceful, loveful, knowledgeful, joyful, powerful and pure.

Awareness of Identity brings about experiences of my natural qualities.

I am eternal => Peace
I wonder at life => Happiness
I admire the beauty of roles => Love
I see the big picture => Knowledge
I retain awareness => Power
I am bodiless => Purity

Purity

2008-11-08T13:32:00.001+05:30

Purity is Truth.
Impurity is mixture...untruth.
Honesty allows me to check and change and arrive at Purity.

The result is Freedom.

Songs of love

2008-11-02T22:06:00.001+05:30

When the heart sings, the words flow and everything is smooth. It is all so easy and spontaneous. Trying to write poetry as a task is not necessarily as smooth or even close in terms of quality.

Writing from the heart (and singing from the heart) touches hearts.

Baba you are truly the doer and inspirer...touching the intellect to make sure the right thing is done... and yet in such an unobtrusive way. Lovely.

Hours and hours

2008-10-31T22:03:00.001+05:30

I have spent hours and hours (and hours and hours) trying to figure out myself. Especially the last two days have been amazingly intense. Its like being on neutral and slamming the 'pedal to the metal'. Lots of revving and no movement.

I have probably invested more time in introspection than in any other thing in the last 14 years (including any office work or service project)... this humming is constant in my life.

So what is the outcome? I really don't know. Lots of glimpses of glory. Lots more understanding. Sometimes it all seems so simple and elegant. At other times ever so complicated.

And he says - these are such childhood toys. Go beyond! Shine forth and transform the world! You are the greatest...

Silence is truly the key. Let me go back into it now...

Wants

2008-10-31T21:55:00.001+05:30

I want nothing.

Thus spake I. And then filled two pages in the journal on what I truly want to do.
And then again, I truly want nothing in a limited sense...

I am an iceberg... this life is the proverbial tip. Understanding myself fully is not like visiting aunty's home...

At the brink

2008-10-31T21:51:00.001+05:30

Today I have access to everything, everyone I need... to do be and have whatever I want. And yet, at the brink of success I stop.

Ultimately this chapter will end... and I will leave this body. What purpose would I have served? What purpose has anyone served thus far?

This question is more useful...it gives a bigger picture view than being caught up in the detailed analysis...

15000 Hours

2008-10-31T21:47:00.001+05:30

I have had the privilege of being in God's personal company for at least 15000 hours. I have been loved, taught, mentored, moulded, guided, cajoled, teased, tempted, provoked, challenged, invoked into the path of self improvement.

And today I was asking myself yet again, pondering deeply... restlessly... what is it that I must really focus on? What truly is my highest purpose?

How could I be so blind? Truly, Baba's task is unfathomable.

Wherever I go...

2008-10-31T17:04:00.001+05:30

Wherever I go, I meet myself.

Evergreen Homework

2008-10-30T16:37:00.001+05:30

On 20th October, He shared the most profound wisdom with so much love and sweetness... he said many things that fascinated me. But the following just grips me:

"So, who are the beloved ones? The ones who follow the father. And it is very, very, very easy to follow. It is not difficult at all. If you follow in just one aspect, you will easily be following in all other aspects. It is just one line that the Father reminds you of every day. You remember that, do you not? Consider yourself to be a soul and remember Me, your Father."

So here is a goal that I am setting myself to master this very, very, very easy (but ever so slippery if I don't pay attention) homework.

Goal:

By November 15, 2008, I will have mastery on attaining powerful bodiless stage and unbroken, loving, powerful remembrance of Baba for at least sixty seconds at a time, taking less than one second to reach that stage each time.

Keywords:

Bodiless: Distinct experience of being separate from the body, resulting in the whole body being relaxed and refreshed.
Remembrance of Baba: Experiencing Baba's love and power and feeling energized at the end of yoga

Mastery Parameters:

Quality of bodiless stage - distinct experience of being separate from body resulting in whole body being relaxed and refreshed
Quality of remembrance - Experiencing Baba's love and power and feeling energized at the end of yoga
Duration of connection - quality maintained unbroken for at least one minute
Speed of connection - less than one second to reach the desired quality of connection

NOTE on Mastery:
Emphasis is on getting the first two parameters while measuring the next two parameters over time.

Milestones:

Experience powerful bodiless stage [at least once per day, no matter how long it takes or lasts]
Experience loving powerful remembrance [at least once per day, no matter how long it takes or lasts]
Experience mastery parameters 1, 2 & 3 [does not matter how long it takes to get there]
Reach all mastery parameters [1, 2, 3 & 4] at Amritvela
Reach all mastery parameters 8 times a day [any convenient time]
Reach all mastery parameters at will during free time.
Reach all mastery parameters in between busy work
Reach all mastery parameters in the midst of difficult or challenging circumstances

Nice to have:

Reach all mastery paramters maintained for 45 minutes at Amritvela

Always Perfect

2008-10-24T22:16:00.001+05:30

When God is at the helm, everything is perfect. In accordance to one's growth needs. If I wait and watch how the drama unfolds, it is entertaining. There is constant newness.

There will be opportunities to do what I have always done or to just go with the flow with a fresh view on everything. Actually, everything is always fresh as the drama unfolds. Constantly new. When I stay in the present, it makes me alert and agile. It also keeps me relaxed and at ease.

When God is not around to remind me that everything is perfect, I strive and struggle. I want to control things and force things to happen in a particular way.

The awareness of 'Drama' is applicable while looking at the past - immediate or distant. Life presents itself in the present and when I have the tools of knowledge I can do whatever I want with it...thereby creating my future.

I can make the future just like the past by doing just what I have always done. Or I can have a brand new future by exercising different choices. But whatever I do, is accurate in the drama. It's a result of all the forces in play and there could not have been an alternative course of action given the scheme of things.

Everything is always perfect.

God is the Greatest

2008-10-24T22:10:00.001+05:30

I met him. He is the Ocean of Love. He is the Ocean of Sweetness. He is the wisest of all. He made me experience fullness. He demonstrated that he knows me. He directly demonstrated whatever he recommended me to do.

'Let your words be like a shower of flowers...'

And...truly divine love...so fulfilling.

All OK

2008-10-22T09:43:00.003+05:30

Everything fits. It's all accurate. It's better than the best made plans. The different situations are so clearly opportunities that help me discover myself in my full glory...as a child of God.

The End of Ego

2008-10-22T09:43:00.001+05:30

End of the roving eye and quiet observations; Smart comments and witty repartees; listening beyond need; wanting to know and to tell...

Solitude vs Being in the thick of things

2008-10-22T09:42:00.001+05:30

Solitude is lovely and has always been a favourite. Yet after all the rush of service when suddenly, unexpectedly there was nothing to do, it was uncomfortable at first. Like 'being in demand' and 'lack of time to serve everyone' to suddenly 'being left out'. It is so funny in retrospect. Ego results in foolish behaviour.

It was a short spell but insightful. Solitude reigns again.

Original quality

2008-10-22T09:41:00.001+05:30

Lightness has remained throughout (this life...maybe the cycle?)but there have been many instances where I was deeply challenged, and the stage was down.

Idealism is another thing that's certainly lasted.

Belief and Vision

2008-10-22T09:40:00.001+05:30

I do not believe in struggle. I effortlessly soar beyond the clouds. I AM the Sun. I dispel darkness through my radiant presence.

The Little bird's dilemma

2008-10-22T09:39:00.001+05:30

Once upon a time a little bird wanted to swallow the ocean. It had been thirsty and found bliss by quenching its thirst from a rare rain in the desert. It sought the source...and found the clouds...it sought the source of the clouds...and reached the ocean.

'I have found the Ocean!' he declared. 'I want to have all of it now!'

But it was not sweet. It was salty and there was just too much of it.

Past is past

2008-10-15T22:14:00.001+05:30

Thick dark clouds.
Thunder and lightning.
Struggling to win.
Giving up.
Silence.
Quiet.
Gentle review of life.
Strange sense of contentment.

I have put in my best. I have been sincere. I have passed many times and yet failed many times. There has been tremendous progress. This life has rendered useful service. Could it have been better? Not really... not for me...even though in the past, in my heart idealism has reigned constantly and the gap between errant reality and the constant ideal has caused much angst.

Today, I am contented. I give myself the certificate of contentment. I feel that my lokik and alokik families would also give me the certificate as of today. That this one has been sincere and well meaning... and has been a good family member. They will note that I am far from perfect, perhaps with many areas where I could have been better and done better... but they will say that he has been a good individual...sincere and well meaning. Would God give me the certificate of contentment? For honesty, yes. For the homework, no.

If I die today, this life would not have been in vain.

What would the future be like if I die today? Would there be remorse that my role has thus been fixed in a sub-optimal manner? No. I think there would not be any remorse. I accept my part with its pluses and minuses, the efforts put in were sincere and I did get sidetracked each time and well, I have the corresponding results. It is all fine. All ok.

So as on today, all of the past is ok and put firmly in the past.

Tomorrow is a fresh start. A new opportunity. A new life. I offer it to God to fashion it as he pleases.

Karmic accounts

2008-10-13T15:40:00.001+05:30

It is humbling to witness the power of karmic settlements. Watching people who had been spiritually rich, vibrant and powerful breaking down into helplessness and misery... being incapacitated and unable... it is quite a sight.

And yet souls don't learn the lesson. Some will irritated with them. Some make fun of them. Some others are dismissive and rudely brush them aside.

Dadi Kumarka had said...'Nothing is as it seems. No one is as they seem. And no two days are the same.' Such profound words... and they ring with even more meaning in this context.

And from John Donne, 'Never send to know for whom the bells tolls... it tolls for thee'

Emotional connection

2008-10-10T15:49:00.001+05:30

When I read/hear/see something that I have experienced before, it strikes an emotional chord within and I connect with it. I relive it with this new experience - It does not matter at all whether I like it or not.

When there is interest in bringing about behavioural changes, old experiences pose the most interesting challenge. Any amount of superficial disinterest or even ignoring it at that time doesn't fool the sanskars/sub-conscious. It could be the most trivial of interests to the strongest of habits. And lo, it appears in the dreams and reveries or those moments when I am not using the intellect... or even when I see anything remotely related.

To bring about fundamental changes, I need to recognize and accept the current emotional connection and move forward instantly and strongly in the direction of my current choice. A new emotional bond needs to be set in place...

But that's still superficial. At a deeper level, churning on what is really required and following up with powerful yoga is critical to alter the sanskars.

Self Protection to Self Esteem

2008-10-10T15:48:00.001+05:30

There is a time when there is resistance to feedback. The tendency is to defend myself, to justify my actions, to explain the circumstances that lead to the particular 'less than perfect' behaviour.

This phase is that of 'self-protection'. There is an undergrowth of pain that comes with ego. And its not easy to uproot. Anything that threatens the ego is looked at with fear and/or resentment.

In this phase, love takes the form of possessiveness. Actions are forceful rather than mature and dignified. 'Service' in this mode is pushy and imposing .Or it could be callous -'Take it or leave it - It's your funeral' instead of humbly offering to benefit the other while respecting the other's choice. The diversity of views that souls have at this point in time is incredible.

Once the soul parts with ego, there is freedom. There is self respect. There is fearlessness. There is strength. There is willingness to change and to improve. There is love and appreciation for other views. There is love for Truth rather than 'false politeness'. There is confidence on one's own unshakeable foundation. There is trust in God and in one's own fortune.

Fresh, frank and forthright feedback is eagerly sought and gratefully welcomed as an opportunity to relook at the self and improve in every way possible.

On the path to egolessness, the initial phase is to build on one's own strengths. This builds self-confidence and boosts self-esteem. Any look at weaknesses is debilitating. The next phase is to uproot weaknesses and shortcomings so that the original purity of the self can radiate in all directions. Focus on strengths at this stage is an invitation to ego and/or complacence. The next phase is that of sublimation where there is gratitude to God for everything. Everything is easy and natural - for it is God who is at the helm. This is the final stage. The post-final stage is the constant awareness of one's natural beauty... this is a natural stage that carries forward beyond the end of time...

Things still unclear

2008-10-01T10:02:00.001+05:30

There are many things that are still unclear to me. By the time I get a satisfactory grip on them, they go beyond comprehension once more. These include topics such as -

Who am I really?
Who is God?
What is nature?
What is life?
What's going on here?

And then I sense Baba beside me... and feel at rest. There is trust... he will navigate me through the muddled waters. My guide is here. And this is the time of metamorphosis.

What's clear to me

2008-10-01T10:00:00.001+05:30

I've figured out some things.

I am more fortunate than I can possibly comprehend.
All four subjects are critical for self development and the combination brings about holistic development.
I am rather disinterested in sight seeing. While I appreciate the beauty of nature and feel that many things are interesting, all said and done, sitting in a corner and exploring myself in silence is any day more enjoyable.
I am much further ahead in purusharth than I thought - in some areas - and much further behind in purusharth in many other areas.
Baba loves me so much and is ever ready to help me the moment I dig deeper. I have an amazingly dull intellect and am unable to seize the opportunities more often and really dig into purusharth. [This is not called honesty or modesty or self-deprecation etc... but more of awareness of the huge gap between where Baba's vision for me is and where I currently am]
Nothing comes for free but there are opportunities galore for the soul who is honest and sincere and really wants to improve.
This family is wonderful. Life is wonderful.
The time to really benefit from the confluence age is NOW.

Engaged to myself

2008-10-01T09:59:00.001+05:30

As I watched myself going through the recent events quite often I found myself perplexed. There was much to learn and appreciate... and yet I felt oddly very disinterested as well. It was all nice. I felt at home at each place. Yet as I explored myself, I found that the newness each place offered opened up a new unexplored area within myself. Sometimes I felt surprised by how well I was doing in terms of spiritual efforts and yet at many times I felt surprised by how little I knew of myself.

It was like (I suppose) getting engaged to myself. Wherever I went, I was constantly watching myself - how I was taking things, how I behaved in different situations, what I liked and what I tended to ignore and where I got caught up...it was getting to know myself more intimately.

Goodbye ordinariness

2008-09-30T13:03:00.001+05:30

Today it struck home. I have taken so much from Baba. I have had the incredible privilege of personal sustenance. He has guided me, loved me, taught me, inspired me, sustained me, nurtured me, empowered me, fulfilled me... he has given me this life.

If I use my time, energy, resources... everything in a worthwhile way, in an elevated way, in an unlimited way, as per his directions... his personal sustenance has been worthwhile.

If I use my time or any resource in an ordinary way (let alone a negative way), in a casual way...it means I have not truly recognized him. It means I have not truly recognized myself. It means I have not truly recognized the present time. It means I do not have due regard... It means his time and effort on me is yet to bear fruit. It means that I have to do further groundwork before his sustenance bears fruit. It means I have limited the unlimited one.

This is not the time to be ordinary. This is the time to be a worthy child. This is the time to reveal God. And he will be revealed when I become a practical example of his teachings. And then everyone will see...this is not a human being. This is God's work of art. God's masterpiece.

Baba... I am yours.

Joy of Service

2008-09-30T13:01:00.001+05:30

There is joy in each form of service. Helping out with the computers. With the dishes. With sharing an insight or two. But the greatest joy is in serving souls to connect to their own greatness and to the source of all virtues - God.

It is a joy to watch as someone realizes how beautiful they are. It is a joy to watch when a soul starts to relax and be free from worries. It is a joy to watch when a soul is able to connect to its father... the ocean of love.

Actually joy is not the word. It is deeply fulfilling when our presence has made a beautiful difference in another soul's life. God has used me as an instrument. My existence has been worthwhile. My purpose has been fulfilled.

Static

2008-09-28T14:37:00.001+05:30

Endless mind chatter. About all sorts of things. Pizzas. Light talk in Gujarati. Weather. The lanes and bylanes of Oxford. Ride in the car. Nice ambience in that other centre... No pull towards anything... like sorting out the jumble of clothes that have been washed and dried and need to be ironed now...

Unless the intellect is alert and active and exercises authority, ordinariness slips in. Then can negativity be far behind? The mind needs an agenda. The intellect needs to set it.

Influence and Empowerment

2008-09-28T14:35:00.001+05:30

Witnessed an excellent workshop by [well, does the name matter? To whom? Why? Hmm...]. The speaker presented the content very simply and shared half the answers and provided so much context that the audience continuously stayed engaged and responded with the missing answers.

'We do not have control over many things. But we can have influence over them. In fact, exercising that influence to empower the other [person, situation, thing] may very well be our responsibility.'

Very nice indeed.

Achievement of relaxation

2008-09-28T14:34:00.001+05:30

Was put on a biofeedback machine. 'Relaxed quickly and easily and achieved demonstrated success!' How paradoxical! The achievement paradigm is deeply ingrained. Acknowledgement of being an embodiment spiritual qualities is still theoretical... in spite of having many experiences that provide evidence.

Detached and Connected

2008-09-28T14:32:00.001+05:30

Opportunities to watch the self and catch the self in action are endless.

When put in a small gathering of like minded souls who are yet to be introduced, there is the tendency to be friendly and connected and engage in small talk. There are the routine gentle questions that help connect with the other and offer a chance to appreciate the other well. The content is nearly pointless... but the intent could be noble and appreciative. It could also be driven by a need to feel good and nice through the interaction. Maybe the motivation could subtly be 'oh yes, so and so said this and that when we met then and there...'

There is also the opportunity to just stay silent, loving and appreciative. Wishing others well without having the need to know and engage. Except when there is an opportunity to make a substantial contribution by engaging through words.

It's not straightforward. There are situations that come where you feel you can 'add value' by offering insights or special prior knowledge about similar situations... that 'Aha, I know, its actually this way...' and yet the value addition may be quite trivial.

Detachment and connectedness. Both invaluable. The former makes the latter more beautiful.

Starting from Scratch

2008-09-26T22:58:00.001+05:30

Every now and then there is a need to take a fresh look at everything.

Who am I?
What am I doing?
Why?
What is life all about?
Who is God? Really?
What's going on here?
What is spirituality?
What's my purpose in life?
What do I know for sure?
What do I not know for sure?

The Coolness coefficient

2008-09-26T01:47:00.001+05:30

Just realized that there is something that can be called a 'coolness coefficient'. Its directly related to an individual's personality. Whatever we do, whoever we are, we bring along our coolness coefficient.

Call it the 'wow factor' or the 'creativity bug'. Just like someone brings along their sense of quality or professionalism... there is a tendency to bring along the coolness coefficient.

Which means some people are surrounded by cool things to do or cool projects to implement, cool situations to be in, cool people to be with etc. while some others are surrounded by the boring and the drab... or the exciting and adventurous... or... whatever. We bring to life whatever we are.

And if we want to change our life, we need to work on changing ourselves. In this case... if we want our life to be more 'cool'... we need to become more 'cool'. In other words, enhance the coolness coefficient.

Strangely enough, 'trying to be' something/someone is counter productive. Instead, just 'being' in that state is more effective.

He takes care

2008-09-24T16:06:00.001+05:30

Was feeling very uncomfortable. Time in rushing by and am stuck in ordinariness. And there is just no interest in 'the look here and see that,' yet time is swallowed up in paying attention to learning new irrelevant things. After amritvela decided to really set the focus.

Today's murli captured the whole sequence. What that feeling of being caught up is like, how to get out of it, what are the priorities...and what the effort is all about.

Diversity

2008-09-23T22:09:00.001+05:30

Spent much time in observing differences in culture, lifestyle, behaviour between the different countries. Even felt a bit conscious from time to time about my strange/'out of place' attire even though no one else seemed to be bothered about it. There is plenty of diversity in the world... but what is my role in all of this?

It was a practical test for staying beyond and I did not pass. Exposure to new/unknown environments is a mine for discovering hidden shortcomings.

Hmm...

New and Old world

2008-09-23T17:05:00.001+05:30

A lovely countryside with people endowed with health, wealth and good manners... all facilities and beautiful scenic locations...its like a new world in an old one.

The mind goes blank. There is appreciation... and then an attitude of a quiet witness. There is really nothing much to speak or share.

Saw many customs and traditions...rituals performed...devout life. So many souls, so many roles... it is indeed a grand drama of life.

Quality in action

2008-09-22T14:21:00.001+05:30

Witnessed a public program at Global cooperation house... executed to near perfection. Many helping hands. Each one knowing the role very well. The timing, the delivery, the royalty, the grace, the seamless flow of many different events with each person pitching in at just the right pace.

The ground work was already complete. The fliers, forms, handouts, recordings, offerings, pre-cursors and follow ups...

The content was profound and yet simply delivered in 7 easy steps, each step consisting of information, commentary and silent experience. Each step was building on the previous one leading to the experience of contributing to world peace.

Very nice.

Swinging in the swing and 5 aspects of time

2008-09-21T16:07:00.001+05:30

There is a tall tree and a lovely swing... and swinging on it gave an experience of what could be behind the phrase - swinging in the swing of bliss and happiness.

Gentle, powerful...and it was such lovely weather...someone said it's satyuga on earth right there.

This is such an interesting life.
One visit provided an experience across the cycle of time:

The experience of 'being beyond' on the swing reminded of the golden age.
The beautiful environs reminded of the silver age.
The palace and the ornate arrangements reminded of the copper age.
The insects, spider webs, the many signs telling people not to misbehave, the floods, resentment, atheism, big brother watching... remind of the iron age...
Including God while seeing others in action was a reminder of this lovely confluence age.

Give and Take

2008-09-20T14:07:00.001+05:30

[Post amritvela thoughts]

Lovely opportunity to observe, learn, imbibe. Yet after two days of much taking and some sharing, the realization is that this is not accurate. It simply is not the time to sit back and passively absorb. The opportunity becomes a distraction unless used appropriately.

At the present time giving automatically includes taking. There is very little time... and it needs focus on the aim and nothing else but the aim.

[And what a beautiful verification of these feelings in Dadi's class and the murli today.]

Being myself

2008-09-19T17:02:00.001+05:30

Who am I really? What a fortunate life!

There is no need to remind myself of any events or of interactions with people to learn from them. I already have everything...and He will clarify anything that may be needed as per the time.

Its time to just remain in the rich and powerful experience of being myself. Humility and Self respect are twins. Its so beautiful.